Mobile Sms Sexy Sms Funny Sms Shayari Message Free Sms Jokes

A rupee is easy 2 earn…
but a smile is hard 2 find…
rupee loses its value…
smile increases its worth..
i lost a rupee when i sms u…
but who cares!
i won ur smile…
y v dnt study whole year….
n spent sleepless night during exam?
coz
sahil k sakun se humne inkar nahi magar.
tufano se kashti nikalne ka maza or hai…

Milne ki tamanna
lekar aaya hai ye sms,
Chehre pe smile ki
tamanna lekar
aaya hai ye sms,
Bhule nahi hai yar tuje,
Ye yaad dilane aaya hai
ye SMS.

First law:

A boy in love with a girl continues to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy continues to be in love with him, until and unless any external agent(brother or father of the girl) comes into play and breaks the legs of the boy.

Second law:

The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to his bank balance.

Third law:

The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.

Universal law:

Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, it can only be transfered from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.

Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ….you have only 2 eyes but you sight every woman. Now who is Ravan?
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Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without brain. Please tell them your age!
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Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye? Circuit: simple bhai , bina sui ke injection lena chahiye.
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Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai.
Kanjoos: 10 rupaye dunga, pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta hai.
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Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha.
Banta: to fir bach gaya ya mar gaya?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.
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Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai….ghar ke sab khilone chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pahechan lega.
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In aptitude test…River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state.
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INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.
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Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha.
Baap ne puchha ‘kya kar rahe ho?’
Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
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Two Sardars were walking together.
1st Sardar: Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath aa rahi hain.
2nd Sardar: oye, main bhi yehi bol raha tha.
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PAPAD aur JAPAD mein kya farak hai.
Khake dekho pata chal jayega.
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Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.
DR: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final game.

Female Software Programming ( Computer Humor )

Struct female_professional s
{double styles;
Short skirts;
Long time_to_understand_ problems;float mind;
Void knowledge;
Char non_co-operative; }

Struct married_females
{double weight;
Short tempered;
Long gossip;
Float hopes;
Void word;
Char unstable;}

Struct engaged_females
{double time_on_phone;
Short attention_on_ work;
Long boast;
Float on_cloud_nine;
Void understanding;
Char edgy;}

Struct newly_married_ females
{double dinner_invitation;
Short time_at_work;
Long lunch_break;
Void bank_balance;
Char hen_pecked;}

Struct husband_wife_ professionals
{double income;
Short tempered;
Long time_no_see_ each_other;
Void love_life;
Char money_making; }

Struct beautiful_city_ girl
{double boyfriends;
Short affairs;
Long stories;
Void greymatter;
Char flirt;}

Struct old_lady
{double chin;
Short memory;
Long sighs ;
Void attention_from_ men;
Char chatterbox;}

Q: If a plane crashed on the border of England and Scotland, Where would they bury the survivors?
Q: Twelve pears hanging high, twelve men passing by, each took a pear and left eleven hanging there. How can this be? How can eleven pears be left?
Q: If there’s a frog, dead in the centre of a lily-pond which is right in the middle of the pond, which side would it jump to?
Q: You’re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is, what color are the bus drivers eyes?
Q: What never gets any wetter, no matter how much it rains?
Q: A man went outside in the pouring rain with no protection, but not a hair on his head got wet…how come?
Q: David’s father has three sons : Snap, Crackle and _____ ?
Q: What has:A mouth but doesn’t eat, A bank with no money, A bed but doesn’t sleep, and Waves but has no hands?
Q: A cowboy rode to an inn on Friday. He stayed two nights and left on Friday. How could that be?
Q: If the red house is on the right side and if the blue house is on the left side where’s the white house?
A: You don’t bury survivors.A: ‘Each’ is a mans name! A: Neither, the frog is dead! A: The same as yours, you’re the bus driver.A: The sea! A: He was bald. A: DavidA: A river.A: His horse was called Friday.A: Washington DC

A duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants; he came across
a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an
arrow.
“Who is this incredibly fine archer?” cried the duke. “I must find him!”
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy
carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the
arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
“You didn’t just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did
you?” asked the duke worriedly.
“No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy.”
“That is truly astonishing,” said the duke. “I hereby admit you into my service.” The
boy thanked him profusely.
“But I must ask one favor in return,” the duke continued. “You must tell me how you
came to be such an outstanding shot.”
“Well,” said the boy, “first I fire the arrow at the tree, and then I paint the target
around it.”
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA
to NY. The lawyer leans over to
her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants
to take a nap, so she
politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer
persists, saying that the game is
really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: “I ask you a question,
and if you don’t
know the answer, you pay me, and visa versa.” Again, she politely declines and tries to
get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he
will easily win the match, so he makes another
offer: “Okay, how about this “If you don’t know the answer you pay me only , but
if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you .”
This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this
torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first
question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”
The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill, and
hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it’s the blonde’s turn. She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three
legs, and comes down with four?”
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and
searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches
the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers
and friends he knows. All to no avail.
After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the
blonde and hands her . The blonde politely takes the and turns away to get
back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so
what IS the answer?”
Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer , and
goes back to sleep.

A man walks into a tavern and sees an elephant sitting at the bar with a large bowl of
cash placed in front of him. He walks up to the bar and the bartender explains ” The
first person who can make the elephant laugh will win the ,000 in the jar. ” The
man casually walks up to the elephant and whispers something into his ear. All of the
sudden, the elephant starts laughing hysterically with his ears flapping and his trunk
bouncing up and down on the bar knocking over drink glasses. “I don’t know what you
whispered, ” said the bartender, :but here is your ,000.”
A few weeks later, the same man entered the tavern and again saw the elephant at
the bar, only this time with a bowl of ,000 in front of him. The bartender came
up to him and said, “Last time you were able to make him laugh, but I doubt you can
win this prize by making him cry.” The man then walked over to the elephant and
stood directly in front of him so they were barely a few inches apart. The elephant
immediately started bawling, crying uncontrollably with his giant tears filling
nearby beer mugs.
The bartender gave the man his ,000 prize but asked him. “What on earth did
you say to make the elephant first laugh and then cry?” “The first time”, said the
man, ” I told him that mine was bigger
than his” “The second time, ” he continued, “I showed him”

Kakey da dhaaba (in London) has evoked another anecdote on cheap eating places. An
Indian abroad ran out of foreign exchange and went looking for the cheapest eating
place in town. He located an Indian restaurant and went in. He found three sections:
‘European, Chinese, and Indian’ He went into the Indian. It was divided into two:
Vegeterian and non-vegetarian. He went into the vegetarian which was further
divided into pure ghee and vanaspati. He went to the vanaspati section and found yet
another division: Cash or credit. Cheered at the prospect of not having to pay in
foreign exchange he opted for the
Credit section. When he got to it he found the sign: “Exit: get out.”

“Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade. ”
“Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?”
“Yea, I shaved with the electric razor.”

“Doctor, Doctor, You’ve got to help me – I just can’t stop my hands shaking!”
“Do you drink a lot?”
“Not really – I spill most of it!”

“Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
“Yes, of course…”
“Great! I never could before!”

A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.”

“Well, if it’s just because of them, I’d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.”

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
“You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
“What took you so long to answer?”
“I was in bed.”
“What were you doing in bed this late?”
“Getting a second opinion.”

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn’t been feeling well and wants to find out if he’s ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time,” the doctor says.

“Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks.

“10…” says the doctor.

“10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately.

“10…9…8. ..7…”

Doctor: “I’ve got very bad news – you’ve got cancer and Alzheimer’s”
Patient: “Well, at least I don’t have cancer”

A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
“What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
“Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor.
“You have to help me, I hurt all over”, said the woman.
“What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “be a little more specific.”

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe, “Ow, even THAT hurts”, she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, “You have a broken finger.”

A baseball manager who had an ulcer was in his physician office for a checkup. “Remember,” the doctor said, “don’t get excited, don’t get mad, and forget about baseball when you’re off the field.” Then he added, “By the way, how come you let the pitcher bat yesterday with the tying run on second and two men out in the ninth?”
Mark Wachs, The funniest jokes and how to tell them

“Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I’ve heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.”
“Don’t worry, it won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.”

A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good.

On his third visit the doctor told the man, “Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.”

“But doc,” protested the patient, “if I do that, I’ll get pneumonia.”

“I know,” said the doctor, “I can cure pneumonia.”