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lets have fun with this jokes

Boss : I’M giving u job as a driver, starting salary Rs. 2000/- is it o.k. for U.

Santa: you r great sir ! starting salary is O.K. but how much is my driving salary ?

Interview : wt is ur qualification ?

santa: sir I’m Ph.d.

Interviewer : wt do u mean by Ph.d.

santa: (smiling)Passed High School with Difficulty.

Interviewer : just imagine ur in the 3rd floor, it caught fire & how will u escape ?

santa : it’s simple sir I will stop my imagination?

Santa kissed his girl friend in the park,

Girl: plz ye sab shadi se pehle…..

santa: don’t worry darling, I’M already married.

Sardar proposed a Girl; Girl said I’m 1 year elder than you

Sardar oye balle balle no problem soniye, I’ll marry you next year.

American : In our Country marriage takes place even with E-mail.

Santa: hey bai In india it is only with female.

Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying..

when a person asked what he was doing he said oye.. higher studies yaar….

A : u r Active

B: u r Best

C: u r Cute

D: u r Dynamic

E: u r Excellent

F : u r always First.

G : u r Great

SORRY CAN’T LIE TILL Z……

Bihar Driving liscence form

Bihar Driving License…

============ ========= =========

DERIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM

———— ——— ———

NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.

He will give you the licen.

If you dot know how to fill ,copy from your phriend (dost)applikason.

For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.

1. Last name:

(_) Yadav (_) Tripathi (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dont no

(Check karet box)

2. phust name:

(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dont no

(Check karet box)

3. Age:

(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dont no

(Check karet box)

4. Sex: ____ M _____(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable

5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

6.Occupason:

(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed

(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

8. Number that are yourj: ___

9. Mather name: ____________ _________ __

10. Phather Name: ____________ ________ (If not no ,leabe blank)

11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest kilass attended)

12. Dental rekard:

(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparesson :

____________ _________ _______

(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, pleaje do not copy thumb impression also. Pleaje

provide your own thumb impression.)

PELEAJE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DERIVE.

WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

Sholay in IT

Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and started shouting: “Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya “.

Thakur [with anger]: “Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai.”

Kaalia: “Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?”

Thakur: “Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai.”

Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.

Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: “Ha ha… thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate.”

Veeru shouts: “Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain,Kuch bhi kar sakte hain.”

Jay hits his keyboard,then says: “jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya .”

AT GABBAR’S DEN…

Gabbar: “Kitne bugs the?”
Kaalia: “Do sarkaar.”

Gabbar: “Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega …aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi… barobar milegi.”

[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. “Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?”

Sambaa: “Chhey sarkaar.”

Gabbar: “Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai.” [logout – logout – logout].

“Haan ab theek hai… ab tera kya hoga”

Kaalia?”

Kaalia: “Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha.”
Gabbar: “To ab documentation kar!

Perplexing Paradox

A crocodile caught a kid and when kid’s mother came for rescue, crocodile posed her
a question – ‘U can make a statement. If you speak the truth in it, i will return your
kid . Otherwise i will eat him.’ And the mother agreed.
The clever mother made the statement – “You will eat my kid’. Now, the crocodile is
in a dilemma of what to do.

A king caught the bandit chief and before punishing , offered him a statement. The
king said ‘ You can make a statement. If you say the truth in it, you will be shot and
if not you will be hanged ‘ . The clever bandit chief replied ‘ I will be hanged’. The
king got into a dilemma of what to do.

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but
was unable to pay the fee. The student struck a deal saying ‘ I would pay your fee
the day i win my first case in the court’.
Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course.
When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up
the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this, the teacher
decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for
themselves.
The teacher put forward his argument saying : ” If i win this case, as per the court
of law, student has to pay me.
And if i lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first
case. So either way i will have to get the money “.
Equally brilliant student argued back saying : “If i win the case, as per the court of
law, i don’t have to pay
anything to the teacher. And if i lose the case, i don’t have to pay him because i
haven’t won my first case yet. So either way, i am not going to pay the teacher
anything “.

TRAVELLERS SUBJECT

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout
the world. You have to give the writers an ‘E’ for Effort.
.
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person
to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time
we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are
welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists,
and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner’s: Drop your trousers here for best results.
A sign posted in Germany’s Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest
camping site that people
of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they
are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite
sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest
Methodists.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a
good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we
guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as
a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give
it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control
yourself..

CAR RIDE

A guy is standing at a bus stop in the pouring rain with no coat or umbrella, when a
car slides up to the kerb and stops beside him. Thinking he has just been offered a
lift he opens the door and gets in relieved to be out of the wet. “Thanks pal I
thought I would never……” he looks across at the driver and there is no one in the
seat. Next thing the car moves off silently and for the next four miles it stops at
every red light, obeys every traffic law and finally comes to a stop at the top of the
road where the guy lives – he is by now is in a severe state of shock and anxiety and
the only reason he has not jumped from the car en-route is because it was travelling
so slowly that he knew he could get out at any time if something unearthly happened.
Anyway it was going his way and keeping him dry! Now it is stopped at the kerb again
just up the street from where he lives and the guy gets out, closes the door and as
he turns to head off home he bumps into another guy who is going to get into the car.
“Hey buddy I would not get in that car if I were you there’s something weird about
it” “Yeah, I know” says the second guy ” But I’ve just pushed it four miles and I
really need the rest”.

DIARY

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it’s fun to cook for
Bob. Today I made an
angel food cake and the recipe said, “Beat 12 eggs separately.” Well, I didn’t have
enough bowls to do that,
so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.
Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve without
dressing.” So I didn’t dress. But, Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper
that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.
Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, “Wash thoroughly
before steaming the rice.”So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming
the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can’t say it improved the
rice any.
Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, “Prepare
ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.” I hunted all over
the garden by my mom’s. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over
there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked if I felt all
right. I wonder why?
Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, “Put all ingredients in a
bowl and beat it.” Beat it I did, right over to my mom’s house. There must have been
something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the
same as when I left it.
Saturday: Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to
dress it for Sunday. I’m sure I don’t know how hens dress for Sunday. I never
noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I thought
the hen looked real cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.
Sunday: Today Bob’s folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in
the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast.
Must be the oven, because it still came out hamburger.
Good night, Dear Diary. This has been an exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to
come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob.

Discrimination

On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg a middle-aged, white South African
Lady found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant
over to complain about her seating. “What seems to be the problem Madam?” asked
the attendant. “Can’t you see?” she said ” You’ve sat me next to a kaffir. “I can’t
possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!” “Please calm down
Madam.” the stewardess replied. “The flight is very full today, but I’ll tell you what
I’ll do-I’ll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class.”
The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention
many of the surrounding passengers).
A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers
to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self
satisfied grin: “Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I’ve spoken to
the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in
first class.” Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues … “It
is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get
special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt
that it was outrageous that someone be forced to sit next to such an obnoxious
person.” With that, she turned to the black man sitting next to the woman, and said:
“So if you’d like to get your things, sir, I have 1st class seat ready for you…” At
which point, apparently the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation
while the black guy walked up to the front of the plane.

DIVER

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a
guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver
went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went
below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so
he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, “How the hell are you able
to stay under this deep without equipment?” The guy took the board and chalk,
erased what the diver had written, and wrote, “I’M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!”

INTERVIEW

Subj: electrical engg
People come up with peculiar or funny answers in interviews or exams:
Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C. as
compared to D.C. ?
Candidate: An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more
space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.
Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC ?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is DC. If it gets stuck, it
was AC.
Interviewer: How will you reverse direction of an induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the base, turn the motor around, and put
back the bolts.
Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)
Interviewer: How do you limit surge current within an integrated circuit?
Candidate: By using a miniature circuit breaker.
External (to student) : ” Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC to pass through
?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this —| |— , OK. DC Comes straight, like this —–
—–, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, Up DOWN and jumps right
over the capacitor!”
Examiner : “What is a step-up transformer?”
Student : “A transformer that is put on top of electric poles.”
Examiner (smiling): “And then what is a step-down transformer?”
Student (hesitantly):”Uh – A transfomer that is put in the basement or in a pit?”
Examiner (pouncing): “Then what do you call a transformer that is installed on the
ground?”
(student knows he is caught — can’t answer)
Examiner (impatiently): “Well?”
Student (triumphantly): “A stepless transformer, sir!”